Divorce mediation

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Divorce Mediation
Divorce is an aspect of a conflict that marks the end of a particular marriage relation. Additionally, it immediately establishes the beginning of a tag of war between previously married individuals. Parties to marriage decide to divorce when they can no longer co-exist or live together. This leaves them to fight for interests such custody of children, family wealth or property. Several divorces cases are dramatic since sometimes both parties cannot agree on what the other party should keep and what they are willing to let go (Emery, 74). There are various mechanisms of solving a divorce dispute such as negotiation. This is where both parties engage in direct discussions on how to go about their divorce. Negotiation can be face to face at their home or at an agreed place, or it can be done through the use of lawyers. However, this is rarely possible as most divorces are full of animosity and hatred (Emery, 79). Hence, this makes it a challenge for the involved individual to disagree making them in seeking dispute resolution mechanisms in court.
Consequently, the second system of resolving divorce conflict is through arbitration as well as litigation. This is where the parties to the conflict resolve to go court on order since they feel the judicial system is the only fair mechanism that will divide their wealth and also decide on the custody of children (Emery, 91). This is the most common form of divorce conflict resolution system.

The other form of divorce conflict resolution is through mediation. This paper will focus on this form of resolution to describe how divorce conflicts can be resolved amicably.
Divorce mediation is an alternative dispute resolution mechanism where the couple to the conflict involve the use of a third party, mediator, to help them negotiate and reach an agreement that will make both sides satisfied. In this form of divorce conflict resolution, the mediator helps the couple communicate and negotiate but does not make decisions for them unlike in arbitration where the neutral party listens to both parties and the makes a decision just the same way judges do in court (Donovan, 1). Couples resolve to sort their divorce conflict when they don’t want to go through the litigation process which is lengthy and sometimes costly or embarrassing. Litigation is termed as embarrassing because the couple`s private marriage issues are discussed in public with the courts sometimes demanding for witnesses to be called. For instance, the children of the divorcing couples may at times be called to give evidence, and this might be traumatizing. In order to avoid all these problems, the couple result to mediation in an effort to reach a long-lasting solution where both parties will be contented with the agreement since they are the ones who tailor the process and the solutions (Donovan, 1).
Contrarily, there are various reasons why divorce mediation is preferred compared to other forms of conflict resolution. In order to begin with, the method is less costly as compared to litigation. This is because the parties pay for one professional who will dedicate his helping to them reach a solution rather than paying different lawyers to draft divorce papers for them and to represent them in court. The battle of divorce is also lengthy in litigation. Thus, making it costly in terms of time and money as the parties to the divorce are required to appear in court over a long period constantly (Donovan, 1). During mediation, the parties to a divorce may decide the outcome and their critical matters are not entirely left in the palm of an unknown individual as is the case in arbitration and mediation.
More ever, the couples control the topics they want to discuss and decide when they have reached a mutual agreement unlike in litigation and arbitration where a third party decides the outcome for them even if one either of the parties does not agree (Emery, 101). Unlike in litigation, in mediation, the parties to the divorce get more attention. This is because the mediator is focused on their case and directly connected to them unlike in the case of courts where judges have to listen to varying cases. Therefore, they do not have time to know each family and are left to listen to the appointed lawyers. These lawyers might not have a good understanding of the matter. Hence, he or she might not be able to represent them properly. In mediation, on the other hand, the couple allowed to speak, and the mediator proposes a resolution process and agreement with the consent of the parties to the conflict (Emery, 103). The other advantage of mediation in divorce conflict resolution is that it is a faster way of reaching a resolution. As said earlier, some forms such as litigation, the process is lengthy as the couples have to work with the timeline of the judges and the lawyers. This takes time as the lawyers, and the judges have to be in agreement on the appropriate time when they can be available.
In the mediation process, the couples define their own timeline, and an agreement can be reached after a few sessions unlike in litigation where cases are always adjourned, increasing anxiety to the divorcing parties. Divorce Mediation is also confidential (Emery, 121). This is because on the parties to divorce and a mediator are involved in the process. Mediations are always done in private and there the delicate family matters are not discussed in the presence of public as it is the case in litigation. This also helps protect the children as a mediator helps the couple to do their divorced in a civilized manner and keep the children out of the dreadful process. Thus, saving them from stress as opposed to court cases where children might be dragged in court as witnesses and to help in deciding the case of custody. In mediation, the mediators focus on helping both parties to reach an agreement rather than trying to validate one party’s side to win the case as in the case of litigation. The mediators can, therefore, help the parties to see issues from a different perspective. Hence, this reduces side arguments something that the arbitration or litigator is not free to do. The agreement in this form of divorce conflict resolution is, therefore, mutual and involves a less adversarial process. In addition, mediation parties do not work under confine requirements. Therefore, they tailor their own process. This means they are able to address in depth problems and reach an amicable solution that both parties agree with and can be able to live in the long run.
Simultaneously, gender roles have a very significant effect on the willingness of one party to agree to mediate. Men whose gender roles are intimidated tend to react negatively to mediation as they are not free to open up to the mediators (Study Moose, 1). As a result of their gender roles being affected negatively, men prefer negotiating with their partners in private rather than presenting their issues to a stranger who is the mediator. On the other hand, research has shown that women are willing to present their cases for mediation since they do not feel threatened and there they are free to incorporate mediators in order to resolve their conflicts amicably. According to research, various reasons have shown why women are more unwillingness to seek mediation (Study Moose, 1). One of the reasons is a self stigma. Due to the perceptions in the society than men are usually stronger than women, men tend to resist mediation as they believe they are strong and they have the ability to sort their conflicts on their own (Study Moose, 1). They show negative willingness to seek mediation as they feel it will make them inferior and weak and they might never be able to forgive themselves. Related close to self-stigma is the attitude towards mediation. Due to the same cultural belief that men are strong and are supposed to be a problem solver, men feel like seek mediation to help them sort out their issues is wastage of resources and time. They believe that there is no way that a third party who is a stranger should be involved in their private matters. Additionally, if there is a conflict, they have the capacity to sort them on their own without being assisted (Study Moose, 1).
Apart from the gender of the couple seeking mediation affecting the mediation process, there is also the challenge of the gender of the mediator (Donovan, 1). When the mediator is a male, there is a high probability that the female party will not be comfortable in presenting their case to the mediator as they will feel that the mediator will show an inclination to the male party. Therefore, they may not accept him as a good facilitator. The male, on the other hand, might be affected in two different ways: firstly, the male party might feel more comfortable in presenting their case with the perception that the mediator being a male will be a biased facilitator and, therefore, favor them on the process of coming up with a solution (Donovan, 1).
Secondly, the male might feel that this mediator is another stranger who has come to his power and break his family and, therefore, might be hostile towards the mediator or might not be willing to share their issues with the mediator (Study Moose, 1). On the other hand, if the mediator is a female, the reaction might be the same. The male party may have the perception that they have a superior hand and, hence, tend to dominate the mediation process and undermine the job of the mediator. They might also refuse to accept mediation as they might feel that the female mediator is not supposed to take a man’s role in solving the conflict depending on the society’s perception of the gender roles. Either way, it can be seen that the male gender is more likely to reject mediation as a mechanism in solving their conflict. Alternatively, in some cases are more like to choose negotiation one-on-one with their partners so that they dominate the process (Donovan, 1).
In conclusion, regardless of the variety alternative dispute resolution mechanisms, mediation is one of the best if not the best when it comes to divorce. This is because as seen earlier, it helps in saving the children from the distressful process of divorce that can lead to depression, makes the couple reach an agreeable solution. This is because they are the ones who decide on the best solution for both parties. It also makes divorce less hostile as both parties are advised to respect each other for a resourceful mediation process. The couples to the mediations are satisfied with the end results and. Thus, both parties are able to live with the end results as they have resolved their conflict in a friendly way.

Work Cited
BIBLIOGRAPHY Emery, Robert E. Renegotiating family relationships: Divorce, child custody, and mediation. Guilford Press, 2011.
Donovan, Sherrl. “Celebrate Mediation Day: Top 10 Reasons To Mediate Your Divorce.” Huffingtonpost Website, 2012 .http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sherri-donovan-esq/celebrate-mediation-day-t_b_1968763.html
Study Moose. “What is the Effect of Gender and their Willingness to go to mediation.” Studymoose Website, 2014.http://studymoose.com/what-is-the-effect-of-gender-and-their-willingness-to-go-to-mediation-essay