The Suffocation Model: Why Marriage in America Is Becoming an All-or-Nothing Institution

The main idea of the article by Finkel is about the concept of the institution of marriage. The concept of the American Marriage has been changing over the years. The whole concept of American marriage on whether it is better today or is far much worse than it used to be is a matter that raises a lot of questions. Currently, marriage has tremendously declined with high levels of divorce reflecting a lack of commitment as well as the decline of moral character that has caused more harm to the kids, adults and society in general. According to Finkel (2015), marriage has undergone higher disruptive changes like divorce rate; such developments are signs that institutions have to respect personal autonomy, particularly for women. The harm by these lights would have been for the relationship to remain as confining as it was like half a century ago (Finkel, 2015).
Marriage over time has increasingly turned into an “all or nothing” phrase; this conclusion has challenged both controversial opposition between marital resilience and marital decline, but it also some implication for policy makers to deal with marriage institution and also for an American who is seeking to strengthen their relationship. To have a better understanding of marriage in today’s living is critical to analyze how we got to where we are now. In the American history, it has undergone three distinct models of marriage like the era of institutional marriages. The prevalence of one’s farming household meant that the critical need that Americans had moved around things like the shelter and protection from violence.

Americans were more pleased if they had an experience of emotional attachment with their spouses, such attractions were the precondition of a marriage that worked well other than its main goals.
I have had an experience of the 21st-century marriage, in this case, most of the couples are coming together for a companion but material gain. For instance, was a very popular show in one of the local channels that depicted how are young college girls were getting into a marriage relationship with senior men all in the name of material gain. Having a close analysis of the result of that very marriage is, it ends in a divorce after a short time. In my example, therefore, it is clear that their key purpose of marriage as an institution has been insulted and different goals attached to the marriage as an institution. As a matter of first importance, couples can put additional time and vitality in their marriage, maybe by adjusting how they utilize whatever mutual recreation time is accessible.
Most of the things that have been discussed in the article are in agreement with what we have studied in our course about marriages. Modern American marriages are strongly linked to psychological wellbeing-happiness than it was the case in past decades. They are for the idea that American have started to understand their relationships in diverse, historically unusual approaches than they used to be in the past. In past years, marriage was there to assist people in accomplishing basic economic needs. Like someone to aid in harvest the crops and also keep warm during winter. Then came to a middle era when employment shifted to endeavors outside the home and therefore the point of marriage was a source of passion and love. This information has a lot of relevance because it helps me understand and explain the current trend of divorces in the region.
Diamond, L. M. (2003). What Does Sexual Orientation Orient? A Behavioral Model Distinguishing Romantic Love and Sexual Desire. Psychological Review, 110(1), 173-192.
The issue of the same-sex marriages is a matter that is of great importance to the field of psychology. The issue has raised a lot of controversies around the globe on what sexual orientation orient. Diamond (2003), has tried to develop a behavioral model in creating the distinction between love and desire. On expounding on the theory, the author used three premises that sought to address different aspects of love and desire. The first premise seeks to expound on whether love requires desire. The second premise seeks to find out whether love is intrinsically oriented. The third premise sought to expound whether love can lead to desire.
Sexuality is a complex matter that may be at times difficulty to comprehend. The passing of the law that permitted same-sex marriage led to mixed reactions between individuals. The media reacted differently to the issue of what sexual orientation really meant. Debates rose with each party arguing differently on the issue. Similarly, at school, it is at times difficult to deal with an individual of same-sex sexual orientation without them feeling that they are being intimidated. The situation becomes hard to address because some feel that they are being discriminated against because of their sexual orientation.
Most analysts on adoration think there are two phases of affection: enthusiastic otherwise known as fascination and companionate. According to Diamond (2003), enthusiastic love is portrayed by an exceptional longing to be close, while companionate love is described by sentiments of quiet and common solace looking. Companionate love typically just creates when there is managed closeness with a man. Precious Stone recommended that the reason for enthusiastic love is to spur this managed vicinity. Most researchers on love field have it that most romantic loves emanate from a different form of love like the love between caregiver and an infant. The evolution exploits the mechanism of caregiver-kid love to come up with the mechanism of romantic love that exists among adults. This path is apparently supported although I do not agree with it. But then my biggest question about the whole idea is if romantic love truly has got no intrinsic orientation, which will give a conclusion that there are only romantics and aromantics. Heteromantic and homoromantic comes into being as a result of other aspects of culture. Therefore, because romantic love evolves from caregiver-kid love, it does not imply that they share this particular trait but diamond too gives more direct evidence concerning this assertion.
A movie series called Empire had demonstrated most of the things we have learned about sexual orientation. Jamal Lyon, who is one of the three sons of Lucius Lyon started demonstrating an attraction to men in a tender age. His father discriminated against him because of his sexual orientation. Jamal has grown with a lot of trauma because his father is unable to accept to accept the fact that his son is a gay. Based on these facts, these are some of the reactions of the members of society regarding their sexual orientation. Individuals do not seem to have difficulties in recognizing this fact really, but the hardest thing is for them to understand that it works the other way too. That is to say that there can be romantic relationship characterized by strong emotional bonds with no sexual desires or sex. During teen years’ people normally find themselves having some sexual thoughts and attractions. For some them, those feelings can be intense and at some extreme confusing. That can be somehow confusing for people who have strong sexual or romantic thoughts against people of the same sex. The example support fuels the class work that we went through, that it is quite in order it is not necessarily that romance always precedes sexual attachment. These lessons can clearly be applied to the psychology and different form of sexuality and how they impact their personalities. The another concept that has clearly manifested itself and aligned with what we have studied is the different forms of orientation and the differences that exist between love and desire. (Diamond, 2003).
Gray, P. B. (2012). Aging and Human Sexual Behavior: Biocultural Perspectives- A Mini-Review. Gerontology, 58, 446-452. doi:10.1159/000337420
This article explains how aging affects human sexual behavior. As people continue to age, there is a trade-off that is experienced, and it is between fertility and mortality. Age tends to decrease sexual behavior since sometimes sexual behavior declines for both couples engaged in a relationship or marriage. People believe that when their children start to have children of their own, it is important to reduce sexual activity to ensure parents assist in bringing up grandchildren and also to support their children to be independent. Sometimes, the decline in sexual behavior depends on sex differences between men and women. According to research, young people, 18-30 years engage in sex on average 78 times a year compared to 23 times for people between age 60-69 years.
I read a book by Michele Weiner Davis entitled ‘The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple’s Guide to marriage,’ This book describe how couples need to understand each other in regards to their sex differences. It also shows how sex affects relationships. According to the book is that the desire for sex keeps on declining when people continue to age. Most couples experience problems in their relationships when they are older which leads to separation and divorce. This tends to affect their relationships making it hard for them to engage in sexual behavior. Menopause affects women to a great extend therefore affecting their sexuality too. Estrogen declines as age increases causing low sexual desires for women. The decline in the levels of progesterone in men is what causes to have lower libido (Gray, 2012).
I watched a movie “Blue Valentine” by Michelle Williams that described the life of a certain woman from the time she got married. According to her, she experienced a good relationship with her husband. They had three children, but as children grew older, their marriage began to become unstable. The husband began to have extramarital affairs. According to the husband is that he did not get satisfaction from the marriage anymore since the wife did not show a sexual desire for him. This situation led them to separate and ultimately divorce.
I also read an article by Meston entitled ‘Aging and sexuality’ for medical practitioners and psychologists. According to the article, many women were approaching clinics to get advice on issues related to sexual capacity. These women were between age 60-80. From the above experience, it is clear that it is in line with the class work because it agrees on the fact that aging adversely affects sex life of couples especially men. Both of the two agrees that testosterone hormones go down and hence affecting one’s sexuality.
These examples support what I learned in class. The examples affirm that fertility tends to decline with age. They also affirm that divorce tends to rise with an increase in age due to dissatisfaction in relationships. The fertility of men is higher compared to that of women since they continue to function well sexually until the age of 60 years. The difference in sexual desire is what leads to divorce and separation.
This information can help me be aware of this fact and therefore work hard to ensure that my relationship remains strong regardless of aging issues. I can use this information to help people who could be experiencing difficulties in their relationships as their ages increase. I can help these people by explaining to them how the body changes as age advances.
References
Diamond, L. M. (2003). What Does Sexual Orientation Orient? A Behavioral Model Distinguishing Romantic Love and Sexual Desire. Psychological Review, 110(1), 173-192.
Finkel, E. (2015). The Suffocation Model: Why Marriage in America Is Becoming an All-or-Nothing Institution. Association For Psychological Science, 24(3), 238-244. doi:10.1177/0963721415569274
Gray, P. B. (2012). Aging and Human Sexual Behavior: Biocultural Perspectives- A Mini-Review. Gerontology, 58, 446-452. doi:10.1159/000337420
Meston, C. M. (1997). Aging and sexuality. Western Journal of Medicine,167(4), 285.