Working With Families Revised

Working With Families: The Case Study of the Cooper Family
Name
Institution
Date
Working With Families: The Case of the Cooper Family
Susan
The problem that Susan is going through is the fact that she earns four times more than her husband and is a perfectionist. She worked quite hard to be where she is right now; therefore she should be able to enjoy her success. However, her marriage is suffering because of the long hours she put in her job. In the current world, it is not a big deal if a wife earns more than her husband, but most men insist on getting stuck in the tradition of being the breadwinners. If roles were reversed then Matthew would expect his wife to understand him working long hours and not spending time at home. Susan works more hours and therefore is not at home most of the time. In the beginning, it may not have been a problem that she earned more, but now it has affected her husband who is confused about his role in the marriage. Furthermore, Savannah is also affected by the issues with her parents and this has led her to stray from her school work. Another problem that Susan experiences is the fact that she is a perfectionist and therefore has the urge to have everything going right in her life. This has proven to be a problem since she has no control over the issues in her marriage or with her children. Being a perfectionist, Susan has high and demanding expectations of herself as well as others, therefore when things do not go her way she feels like a failure.

From her family’s perspective, Susan leaves them feeling frustrated. Her husband, Matthew is significantly affected by his position in the family since as a perfectionist; his wife is always working long hours and therefore does not have enough time with the family. It can be argued that with the long hours, she will be tired by the time she gets home, therefore, will retire to bed instead of creating time for her family. This leaves the rest of the family feeling inadequate and not prioritized. This has affected Susan’s marriage as well as the children since the husband needs his wife to raise the children and the kids need attention from both parents. The Cooper family looks like they want to present a united front before the society even with the issues they are all experiencing. The fact that Matthew and Susan want “to make things right” indicates that they have a reputation to keep.
The primary intervention that I would give Susan is to keep in mind that she is a pioneer and that workload can be a huge issue. Lowe (2016) argues that in the world we are living in, women have stepped up and are earning more than men and the number of men staying at home to raise the children is on the rise. The study, however, notes that most people grew up in families where men earned more and made the critical decisions about the family. With this culture, came the idea that the man was not responsible for any chores in the house. However, this was a long time ago, and there have been changes. Susan, nevertheless, should not assume that it is right to leave her family with her husband. She should take time off and spend time with her family since she has a role to play in the children’s life. Her absence at the moment has played a part in the issues going on in the family, and she must try and bring her family together. Susan should also not have high expectations of her family and learn that no one can be perfect and mistakes are part of being human.
Matthew
Matthew has lately had a hard time in the family which has left him feeling oversensitive and edgy not to mention he also happens to be a perfectionist like his wife, Susan. Even though there has never been a time when his wife has treated him different for earning more, he cannot help his feelings lately. The reason for the problem is because his wife spends too much time working and as a perfectionist, he feels he cannot control the situation which then leaves him feeling frustrated. It can be argued that Matthew takes care of the children every day which is not an issue, so when he did not notice the changes in the kids, he felt like a failure for not earlier noticing. With his wife’s constant need to be perfect at work and working long hours, Matthew is left feeling like his wife takes advantage of him and expects that his place in the house is doing house chores. Another reason that Matthew is questioning his place in the family is the mentality that most people grew up with, knowing the man as the breadwinner of the family. He, therefore, feels that his position is threatened by his wife whose salary is four times more than what he earns. His point of argument is relevant because a man is brought up to take care of his family financially and be the decision maker and when this is taken away, it is quite normal to feel challenged.
The mentality that men are the providers of the family is a psychological issue that may have contributed to any other problem that Matthew has had in the past. Being brought up with beliefs instilled in you, then later turning and changing those norms is difficult. Many people will have a hard time adjusting to a new environment. In the beginning, he never had a problem, but later, his beliefs surface, and even though his wife never disrespectfully treated him, he feels like his wife emasculated him. That said, Matthews family needed him to be an example to them as is the head of the house and their protector. However, he is having problems and is a perfectionist which has made the situation worse. With that in mind, Matthew should note that his role in the family should not be determined by the long hours that his wife works, but by his capability to ensure that his family stays together. Currently, his responsibility is taking care of the kids while their mother is working. In his mind, he sees that the characters have been reversed which explains his oversensitive nature and him questioning his role in the family.
The intervention perfect for Matthew is for him to completely understand the roles of a husband as well as a father. Goldfeder and Sheff (2013) in their study observed that in most instances, the father is the pillar of the family, and it is expected that he shields his family from any dangers and ensures that everyone is playing their part. As a father, he should ensure that his kids are disciplined and know that he is the core of his children’s emotional status. He should not expect that he will be thanked by his children for performing his fatherly duties. As a husband, he should love his wife and communicate if he ever feels that their marriage is getting rocky. His position in the family is not marked by the amount of money he makes but his capability to lead the family. When he felt that she was working too much, he should have discussed it with her before their marital problems started affecting their children. To avoid any future incidents, the couple should learn to communicate and express their differences about the marriage. If they had communicated early, then they would have had the chance to fix their marriage before the problems started affecting their children.
Savannah
First of all, Savannah is a teenager, so it is normal for her to rebel and have a conflict with her parents and sibling. However, in this case, she noticed the issues with her parents and her coping mechanism was obsessing over her weight as well as her academic performance. Given that before, she was a straight-A student and had never had such problems; it is safe to say she is not the rebelling type. The role that she was used to playing in the society is a good child who performed properly in school, therefore viewed as perfect. However, she feels that her role has been challenged hence the obsession to try and go back to normal. As a teenager, having mood swings is normal but going on the extreme in not and Savannah had last issues. When her brother destroyed the project, she started screaming and later went to her room and cut her left hand with scissors. Although the cuts were not deep, this was a clear indication that her problems were deeper and evaluation would be necessary to determine whether her severe mood changes required any treatment.
Savannah role in the family is to be the firstborn as well as a big sister; meaning that she should be a good example to Milton and take responsibility. This is too much pressure on her as she is still a child and therefore her parents’ troubles are bound to affect her. She may be a child, but she has more understanding of what is going on with her parents. This is one of the reasons she changes her behavior since she feels like she is not playing her part in the family. One of the most common adolescent cultures is teens focusing on appearance instead of depth. This has been derived with the obsession of celebrity looks and the notion that having a slim figure is more important than one’s character. Savannah has adopted the culture with her recent obsession with her weight and the many times she weighs herself and the excessive exercise. This is her coping mechanism on the problems at home since she has no solutions on how to get everything back to normal. Savannah’s parents are to blame for her recent changes since they did not handle what they were going through discreetly and on time and this led to her observing that her parents had marital issues.
Early intervention will help Savannah change her ways and guide her towards adulthood. Featherstone, Morris, and White (2013) stated that teenagers go through a tone of emotions and therefore cannot know when they need help, therefore it the parents’ duty to take responsibility and intervene. In contrast, there are those parents or guardians that are too selfish and ignore the needs of their teens since they find them a nuisance. I would tell Savannah, that her parents can handle the issues they are going through and make her understand that it is normal for relationships to go through rough patches. I would also explain that the problems of her parents are not her burden and that she should enjoy being a kid. I would explain to her the importance of eating healthy and physical activity that is acceptable. Finally, I would tell to Savannah, the importance of life and ensure she understands that hurting herself would not solve her problem since it is better to talk to her parents or seek professional help.
Milton
Milton’s problem is that he has been getting physically and verbally violent, school negligence and lack of concentration. He is still very young and cannot correctly comprehend or process the problems going on at home. He has not yet developed social-problem solving skills, and this is the main cause of his problems. The violent behavior in school, the abuse to a teacher, the violent video games and destroying his sister’s project are how he copes with the problems at home. Everyone in the house may think that Milton is too young to understand what is going on, but he can feel that there are problems at home but cannot fully understand the extent of them. He, therefore, looks for ways to ask for attention from the family members. The marital problems are one of the triggers for his change in behavior, and the fact that his sister, who should be a role model to him has also changed has played a part in the young boy’s episodes. However, he does not need any mental evaluation of his behavior but instead requires his family to pay attention to him and provide a safe and peaceful environment where he can grow up as a healthy child.
Milton’s family might think that his behavior has nothing to do with the family problems and might look at it as being rebellious. At around Milton’s age, most kids demand attention and expect handouts, as they do not want to take responsibility for their actions. This culture is seen in most children, and a lot of parents end up feeling frustrated and exhausted since they do not understand how to approach the issues going on with their children. In the case of Milton, his father excused his behavior in school as minor which did not help and escalated to the loud, violent music and destroying a school project. His father should have explained that the behavior was not acceptable and made him apologize to his sister as well as schoolmates and the teacher. This could go a long way to making him understand the difference between right and wrong. Susan and Matthew waited until Milton led Savannah to cut her wrist to acknowledge that something needed to be done.
Milton’s intervention would include his parents and sister since he needs guidance. Rowntree (2015) notes that, for a young boy the questions that the parent should be asking is “what did you want to accomplish?” instead of “why did you do it?” Rowntree continues to argue that asking “why” is giving the child a chance and platform to make an excuse but asking what he wanted to will give his parents a chance to offer him another peaceful way to achieve his goal. If Matthew had applied this technique to his son, it would have helped avoid the events that took place later. Every child needs to be guided and taught the right things to do and the fact that the parents of Milton were making excuses for his irrational behavior was not helpful. They should have put aside the issues between them and put the needs of their son first. They should have then taught him alternative ways of communicating in a positive manner instead of hurting those around him.
Family problems can manifest even in the healthiest families which then results in painful and challenging interactions among the family members. These problems begin with small issues like getting irritated, inner resentment and small arguments and then with time, everyone is angry at each other. For this reason, parents should be keen with their families so as to foresee these signs before the problems get out of hand. As a preventative measure, I would propose that the Cooper family learn to communicate with one another. This way, they can spot any changes that could be happening and find ways to correct them. Communication may not necessarily solve their problems but could help ease the frustration and stress that comes with trying to solve problems alone. The Cooper family is going through what most families worldwide go through, some make it to the other side but then there are those that are not so lucky and the problems divide them forever. Talking is, therefore, healthy and ensures that all family members are aware of what each member is up to and can sense if they have issues that need attention.
Section 2
The Cooper family is just one example of what families worldwide go through on a daily basis. In their study, Miller and Stephen (2012) note that problems will always arise in our lives, but the most important bit is to be brave enough to ask for help. One of the important lessons I learned to understand that family will always love each other but they do not get along every. Every member should learn to ensure their voice is heard and learn to take responsibility for every action. This is valuable for my future since I will be required to handle different family, child and adolescent issues; therefore, giving my patients a platform to express themselves would come in handy. Another lesson I learned is I love helping and listening to people. I felt that it was important to help the family get through their issues and continue with their lives. Helping other people brings satisfaction to me since I know that I have made someone’s day easier.
The first strength I have is open-mindedness which is important when dealing with children, families, and adolescents. In order to identify the problems of my patients, it would be necessary to stay neutral. To give an illustration of what I mean, look at the case of Susan earning more than her husband. If I had applied what tradition says about a man being the financial provider, then I would have been biased towards Susan from the beginning. However, I kept an open mind and discovered that the husband was oversensitive because of other reasons. Another trait is patience as I had to do a lot of research to understand each member of the Cooper family properly. I understand that I do not have to get the results of a patient immediately and that it may take longer for some patients to open up about their issues.
However, I was not perfect and had some areas that required improvement. Firstly, I lacked confidence in finding solutions for every individual. Different persons will have different problems, and it is up to me to help each patient find their way. I lack the confidence to believe that I can have solutions for every problem. I learned that this should not become an obstacle for me since I do not need to have all the answers since I get a better understanding of the patient when they start talking about their issues. In light of this, I made the conclusion to learn about human behavior so that in the future I can be in a better position to offer help to my patients.
The Cooper family has helped me understand that families are not perfect and that when one feels they need to keep a certain reputation to society to hide their problem, it only gets worse. the question that this raising for me is why we feel that we need to live up to the society standards at the expense of our happiness. Having said that, I found that family issues may seem trivial in the beginning, but if not dealt with, they escalate. Another important insight is that asking for help when in trouble is not a sign of weakness but strength. I found this important since the Cooper family found ignored their problems which in the end made the issues more serious. For instance, Savannah thought that she could deal with her crisis alone but in the end, she hurt herself since she could not cope anymore. The family waits until it’s almost too late “make things right again.” However, this does not work for all families and some end up suffering the losses of loved ones when they could have avoided it by asking for help. Human beings are prone to make mistakes, and the important part is taking responsibility and asking to be forgiven. Lastly, I learned the importance of tracking as it helps to find the best intervention for each person. I was able to carefully listen to all the stories of each member of the family and take notes along the way. By doing so I was able to identify where the problems began, what took place when and how all these issues were connected. Listening to every person is important as it helps the patient have faith that they have made the right choice seeking help. Tracking is also important as it helps the patient feel that they are in a safe space where they can let everything out.
References
Featherstone, B., Morris, K., & White, S. (2013). A marriage made in hell: Early intervention meets child protection. British Journal of Social Work, 44(7), 1735-1749.
Goldfeder, M., & Sheff, E. (2013). Children of polyamorous families: A first empirical look. JL & Soc. Deviance, 5, 150.Lowe, N. K. (2016). Progress Toward Meeting the Goals of The Future of Nursing and Implications for Maternity Care. Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic & Neonatal Nursing, 45(3), 297-299.
Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2012). Motivational interviewing: Helping people change. Guilford press.Rowntree, D. (2015). Assessing students: How shall we know them?. Routledge.